Frustration and the Future

I feel like a hamster in a wheel. Every M/W/F/Sat I get up, get dressed, put on my fake smile and go to work. Where I feel stupid, unappreciated, and not myself. I look at my job as acting for 4 hours a day. I act for my bosses, I act for the customers, I act for myself. I tell myself it's not THAT bad (and really it isn't after working at a VERY WELL KNOWN home retail chain here in Huntsville and was basically I could work whenever if I sucked dick...seriously...) and that it's for a few more months then J will work and I can quit...but I'm not in la la land...I will not be able to quit. The economy is shit and we both need to be working. And it's not the working that's the problem, I want to work, I want to have MY OWN money (yes, I know, it's our money, but I don't want to have to feel like I have to ask to buy a purse or shoes, even though I know Jason would never say no...).

I'm going to school to get a degree- which I think means as much as the card stock it's printed on. But in the mean time, I hate my job. I hate the nasty customers we get. And I feel like a bit of my soul dies each time I put on that apron and ugly gaucho pants.

As for the future, I see my friends with kids and how happy they are and they have cute little complete families and I want that. Jason and I have decided to wait until after I finish my degree to try to have kids because its the "smart" and "responsible" thing to do. Which I agree with, however, don't people go to school to get their degrees and get jobs that pay well? I have a job that pays well. And the hours are great. I just know that I will not be complete inside until Jason and I are married and we have kids. As lame as that sounds.

I wish October 30th 2009 would get here already.

All that Fancy Booklernin'

Today, at work, a fellow server told me that she overheard one of her tables talking about how people that go to Calhoun CC have no intention of finishing their degrees or really want to learn.

That made us both angry. She being a fellow Calhoun student who has taken a hiatus but has every intention of finishing and myself who went there for 4 semesters, and is only a few semesters away from finishing and Jason who went there first when he started back at school and has now JUST finished his last class at Faulkner and graduating in December.

I'm sorry that I don't have the money to go to a fancy 4 year college for all 4 years. Calhoun offers the same classes that UAH/AandM/UNA/Faulkner/Etc... offer and for much cheaper and frankly, I enjoyed my time at Calhoun more than I enjoyed UNA, and I haven't really been at UAH long enough to tell.

I was just angry that she made a generalization about me, my friends, my family. Sure, there are 2 year degrees at Calhoun but those are like Nursing and important things like that.

And she just assumes that because this server and I are servers we obviously haven't gone to college. Aren't in college. Don't have plans to finish college. Most servers are either in school and paying for it by serving or have graduated and the money is so good, they can't leave.

And who are you to judge me lady, I'm in school AND working my way through it. And you, you're sitting at someone's table for HOURS on a workday...why aren't you working? Did you finish school? Whore.

::stepping off my soap box now::

"Have I mentioned today, how lucky I am, to be in love with you?"

Long time, No blog.

"Harvey's over, "Rocky" has started. Excited more each day to start "Liz". I've realized that there are alot of people out there that underestimate ME all I have to say to that is Wait and see. Wait and see how fucking awesome "Liz" is going to be....it'll be better than your show, that's for damn sure.

J and I returned from Disney safely- he didn't kill any small children so it was a success. It was reassuring to see that so much of my family loves J and sees in J what I do and cannot wait for us to get married.

It's still a weird thing to grasp- marriage. Not that I don't want to marry Jason but it's an unknown territory. I've never been married before (duh!) and how different will it make things? Other than changing my name and tax stuff, the typical things you hear about marriage and your life (intimacy and otherwise) being over, I think that that's crap. My life will just begin when I marry Jason. I am so excited. I wish October 30th 2009 would just get here already.

Speaking of Jason, I'm alone again this weekend. Well, just for the better part of this evening. He got a free ticket to the Alabama game and how could I say her couldn't go. He was so excited. It's ok. I think I'll go and get some mac and cheese to make my homemade mac and cheese and maybe some eggs to make french toast tomorrow morning...breakfast in bed with the man I love...anything better?

My job still sucks asshole but hanging out with 2 of the women I work with and the conversations we had today made me realize why I've stayed there. And the money's not bad either.

I'm worried about that Hurricane Ike hitting my mom and family there as a Cat 4. I wish they'd just move here. I really do miss them.

I've been obsessed with "The Last 5 Years" lately. It's all I listen to. It's what I warm up to on the way to "Rocky", I sleep to it. I do homework to it. It's beautiful and it makes me wish I could sing as well as Nina DeBanta did.

That's about all for now. This was a pretty random post but I felt the need to talk and the cats aren't too responsive.