Feels like Home...

Normally...I'm not a chimer.
Maybe a peep here or there while the poo is FLYING off the fan, but nothing huge.
But I do feel like there is something that is needed to be said.

I was dreading moving away from my home in Fort Lauderdale and moving here...to Huntsville. Where I didn't know anybody. I was sad, depressed, angry, in addition to MANY other emotions.

The day after I moved here I was just doing an internet search for things to do in Huntsville. Mainly, a theatre search.

And I found Renaissance Theatre.
I also saw that they were holding auditions for my all time favorite musical "The Rocky Horror Show.".

I literally walked in off the street, basically off a plane, and into the audition.
Walking in I was so nervous.

It seemed everybody knew everybody. And they did. It was me, and Carrie, and that's about. Everyone else had paired off with their groups/cliques/etc.

I thought for sure I wasn't in. I didn't know these people and why would they cast me when they have other people, just as talented, if not better that could easily fill my space.

But to my surprise, I was cast. And that show was one of the best theatre experiences of my life.

Then I worked on back to back Renaissance shows, "Steel Magnolias", my last show with Lee, where I met the wonderful Kim Parker and Terri King, and Karin Lynn, and Gaylen Pugh, and Cam Scales, among others and I felt like I had made friends.

After that I had the hilarious experience of working tech on a Tony Argo show, "Drop Dead".

I was then able to Asst. Direct "Reverse Psychology" along with Tony and Jason.

And from there, "Almost Blue" and the 2008 "Rocky", and now "The Book of Liz", which I will be eternally grateful for.

And you would be lying if you said that EVERYSINGLE theatre experience of your life has been 100% wonderful with kittens and rainbows and sunshine. Because, mine haven't. But I have taken something or someone and learned something about myself from each and every experience.

There have been times where we all have been frustrated and run down and possibly even angry with some of the people involved, but because of the heart that is put into that theatre...it's things that we decide if we can forget/forgive/move on from.

Because of the trust I was given with "The Book of Liz", I have seen RT's true colors and working with everyone there from Jackie and Billy and Gary and Gay and Jo and Bob...they have all dropped what they were doing to come and help me with whatever I needed or asked.

I cannot thank these amazing VOLUNTEERS enough, because of them, I have been able to accomplish something I have been dreaming about for years.

I think every theatre in town is wonderful.

Having a children's theatre is such a great thing because theatre and acting allows you to be more confident and have proper speaking skills that I think all children should have. And they can play and be silly and have fun, which is the best part of being a child.

And I adore musicals, so the more musical based theatre's will always have my heart. Musicals are sweeping and grand and can make you laugh or break your heart. Music is something that is universal, so I believe that musicals are as well. And the talented people who are in those musicals, I tip my hat to you...I was literally brought to tears during "The Last 5 Years" because of the beautiful voices in that show.

The basics of theatre involve the play, and those theatre's in town who focus on the "straight" show are great to have. They do the classics. And the new-er stuff. The ones that educate and the ones that arer there for pure silly. There is nothing better than a well produced, and thought out play.

All that being said...no matter what, Renaissance will always hold a special place in my heart just because they we're my first family here in Huntsville. They were the first theatre to give me a chance to direct. That first show I did here gave me these amazing people who are now family.

I know we will never sing songs and hold hands as a "theatre community" around the campfire, and frankly, I don't want to.

I just wish we could all feel supported by everyone in town.

...i'm done chiming now.

hmm...

There are MANY things I could write about tonight...

but...it's going to be random thoughts.

In my almost 3 years here...I have come across some characters. Some people with amazing hearts of gold and some people who I swear are kin to the devil herself.

And I've been thinking that I want to combine 'Waiting for Guffman" and this insane theatre community we all "love" so much and I want to write.

I haven't written in years.

Little things here and there, but nothing worth posting.

I'm not even sure I would post it..

It's just random jumbles I have in my head.

...(eventhough you probably don't believe it anyway...)

Um...this is amazing.

Thank you Chuck Puckett.

And thanks to everyone who came out and supported "Liz" this weekend.
If you haven't had the chance to see it yet...you have one more weekend.
DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW!!!

Why I love Joanna White

So...last night was amazing. There will def. be a post on that later.
I am still in shock. 38 people. 180.00. Insane for a pay what you can night.

Today is going to be amazing, my best friends coming into town, the official opening of "Liz" and even better...I got out of working today.

But I digress...
this post here made me cry.

And that is why (along with many other reasons...) I love Joanna White.

The Book of Sam

http://blog.al.com/go/2009/01/prepare_to_laugh_at_squeamish.html

That, my fellow internet users, is the most amazing thing I have ever read in my life.

I'm aware of just how lame that sounds but I am serious.

This show has been a year and a half of work, time, heart, stress, tears, and laughter.

This show has taught me so much and these amazing people have been nothing short of a God-send. This cast, this crew, have all bent over backwards to make this show something EVERYSINGLE person involved can be proud of.

And honestly, as I type this, I am getting teary-eyed. "Liz" has been such a huge part of my life, what am I going to do when this is over. It's like (and this is a HORRIBLE metaphor, but run with me on this), I have a child and raise it and teach it lessons and make it this absolutely wonderful thing and then, it turns 18, moves out, and moves on.

You're proud, and relieved, and excited, but sad.

This show, has brought me closer to old friends. New-ish friends, I've had the chance of getting to know some people I wasn't close to before and the most amazing thing of all...

...today, Jason and I were driving to get food. We're both at the end of our mental ropes/physical ropes. We're tired, sick, and stressed. And as I am babbling on about something, he turns to be and says that I've done a really good job and he is proud of me.

And tonight, we have our final rehearsal. There may be an audience, and they are more than ready. They've been ready for a month. And tomorrow, my mom and Aunt come into town to see this theatre-baby we've all birthed and put onstage. And there will be audiences and there will be laughter but all of that pales in comparison to the feeling I have watching this work onstage with my friends and knowing that they are having just as much fun doing it, as I have had putting all of this together.

And that, my friends, is why I do theatre.

what a difference...

So, the holidays have come and gone and I breathe a sigh of relief.

I love the holiday season- the tree, the decorations, the food, the feeling of Christmas.

...but this year, that feeling just wasn't there. I've been so busy with "The Book of Liz" and the constant bad news on t.v. and with the economy, my heart just wasn't with it this year.

I still cannot believe that it's 2009. And just how different everything was around this time last year, well, last Holiday season.

It was my first Christmas with Jason and we were doing Christmas at our place (well, it wasn't our place then...I didn't move in until mid January) and I was doing everything in my power to make it perfect to impress his mom and dad. And now, this year, it was no stress and fun. It felt comfortable and right.

At the start of the previous Holiday season, Jason and I were just dating. We were serious, but dating. And then last Christmas Eve, he proposed. And it was the most amazing night of my life.

I cannot believe that we have been engaged for a year, living together pratically a year, and have been together almost 2.

It feels like it's been forever, and that is a good thing.

I felt alot of pressure this holiday to try and top the last one (which I could NEVER top Jason's Christmas last year...) and I was trying to make it a memorable holiday on a server's pay. It wasn't easy.

It was a great Christmas. It was a wonderful New Year's.

But I am SO glad it's over.

I'm just impatiently waiting for "The Book of Liz" to hit the stage and have all this hard work from everyone be seen and appreciated, and I am so ready to have my Mom and Aunt in town...I need some family time.

So...peace out 2008.

It was fun...but seriously, 2009 is the year of Samantha Musto.

what words can do...

..."Is that my name up on that list? Does someone know that I exist? Is this a mistake?
Am I even Awake? Pinch me now to make sure.
Yes that's my name in black and white, maybe I'm doing something right.
WOW! I feel so much better than before!"...

..."I don't have the time to cry. I'm too busy loving my name up on that list, kind of a cool ironic twist. Who else can I tell? Oh Wait where's my cell? Mom will fall on the floor. HEY MOM!"

..."Look at my name in black and white, your daughter's doing something right.
I feel so much better, I am so much better than before!"
-"So Much Better" Legally Blonde: The Musical

Always an Ethel, Never a Lucy.
Always the Step-Sister. Never Cinderella.
Always the comedic relief in a drama. Never the drama.

Until today.

Last night and Sunday night, I auditioned for a show that, well, honestly, I didn't love at the start but fell in love with.

I'd been planning this audition since, well, last January when the show was selected. And I knew, after talking to the director that I HAD to be part of something that was going to be a really passionate piece of theatre. I would work props, set dressing, costumes, ANYTHING. Then I was eligible to be a producer and I said I would. I just had to be a part of this show.

I decided to audition. And was sick about it the entire week and weekend. I wanted to be Kate Keller more than anything. And after doing my research, I am so thrilled it is me. This woman, young woman, marries a man much older than her and really didn't know what she was getting into. She has her first child, Helen, and we all know how that went. The heartbreak of feeling like a failure as a mother is something I can understand...more than anybody can and will ever know.
And last night was one of the most emotional auditions I have ever been on. The feeling that was in that room at times was disgusting and I was just thanking whomever I thank for Jo and Jeff.

And I am sure that this may stir the ridiculous shit even more and I was told my numerous people to let it go...and I have. This has NOTHING to do with that. This is me, being ecstatic that I get to play a serious seriously awesome ROLE (not the kind you butter....) and I get to do it in a supportive environment with a supportive cast and crew that I love.

We should all be supporting ALL local theatre...if we all love it like we say we do.

And I do.

Happy Sigh

It's Saturday. I usually hate Saturday's. But today...today has been wonderful so far.

Sleeping until 9am, which on a Saturday when I have usually been at work for at least an hour already, was amazing.

Waking up to a clean, well...tidy, house was amazing.

Waking up to Jason already being awake was amazing.

We've just been lying in bed this morning. I made coffee. He's been watching Sports Center and I've been blog stalking. There has been lots of kisses and lots of laughter this morning.

Come Monday- this fantasy land I've lived in since Wednesday will all go away, but I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Jason is staying home today and we're going to watch the Iron Bowl, he's heading to Kroger to get beer and stuff to make wings and he's going to cook.

Since Nov. 2nd- we've been doing really well. Now, if only he could get hired somewhere. I know that would be a serious load of stress off him. He is so smart and talented and really good at what he does, I wish the economy didn't suck so bad right now so some seriously awesome company could hire him. He's worked so hard- harder than anyone can ever know- and now all he wants is a job. The target hire date for that interview he went on is the 2nd of December. We haven't heard anything yet.

I just want him happy. So, for today, he and I are not going to talk about work or school or even theatre. We're just going to lay in bed, or on the couch, and watch some football.

What a perfect Saturday.


EDIT: Jason came home with like a pound of chicken to make wings, tons of sauce, tons of celery, tons of Ranch, AND the HEINEKIN KEG...I love this man.

"All we ever do is talk about bugs..."

I am so glad that this weekend is over.
It was the busiest and most stressful yet, but a blast.
But its over. And I just have to get through Monday and Wednesday and then I'm off work until next Monday. I can do it.

I am far too tired to really post but here's a list of good things that happened this weekend:
-found out that Jason got a job interview...it's tomorrow. And we're both really nervous. If you pray (or whatever you call it) then please think about him around 2pm tomorrow.
-got all of his Christmas shopping done! All of it. And it's everything I wanted to get him. So excited.
-the entire house is now decorated for the holidays. I am going to be so busy with "The Book of Liz" (which is going AWESOME- by the way) that I'm getting everything I can done now.
-made a 70.00 tip- which made my total day earnings to almost 200.00
-saw 2 people I really love and care about tell everyone they care about that they're in it for the long haul. Granted, it was FREEZING, but it was absolutely beautiful and I cried. I'll admit it. And the venue for the reception was kick ass.
-saw a very ambitious show in town close and while there were things I really just disagreed with from an artistic perspective, it was a wonderful effort and it had crazy energy. I was impressed.
-ate some seriously awesome food (Po Boy and Mullins in one weekend...ugh, so amazing)
-and finally...I got to see my handsome man in a suit for practically an entire day. I love him in a suit. What a hottie.


That was my weekend. Busy, stressful, but wonderful.

OH...and birthday shout-out to my Momma, Lori Musto. Happy Birthday Ma. Thanks for everything and I love you. (Because I know you read this....)

Angels vs Angles

Come and see Theatre Huntsville's "My Three Angels" opening TONIGHT!!!! And runnung thought the 22nd.

Make sure that you bring a new, unwrapped, unused toy to donate to Toys for Tots. And tell your friends to donate as well.

Heaven

Thank you Jesus....

SENIORS!!!

They say (who ever they are) that you can't go back to high school. You can never go home again. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Personally, I never want to go back to high school. It was awful. I was fat- I mean, really fat, fatter than I am now. I had tragic Sun-In hair and a fake tan. I drank waaayyy to much, and didn't have the most modest of behavior. And we were mean. Not my finest of moments.

But recently, I had the chance to "go back to high school"...so to say.

Two years ago, June 10th, 2006- to be exact. I moved to Huntsville. Left Fort Lauderdale behind and moved here, where I knew nobody, had no friends, and was able to start over. Not but a few days later, I saw that a local theatre in town was holding auditions for my all time favorite show- "The Rocky Horror Show".

Walking in, I was intimidated. Tons of people who already knew each other and so talented, I almost left. I'm glad I didn't.

Fast forward, I get cast and meet the most amazing people because of it. I made best friends, really learned alot about myself and opened myself up again. The 2006 "Rocky" was something I had never experienced before. We all instantly bonded.

Two years later, we're still friends. And we begin hearing the rumblings about them doing it again and having auditions this past Summer. I talked to alot of the Original cast to see if any of them were auditioning, a few said yes and some said that they just wanted to remember it the way it was.

I, along with 5 other Original people, were cast in the 2008 production that just closed. And I have mixed emotions about the entire experience. It nearly killed me physically. I'm still not sure I left with as many friends as I entered with. I saw alot of true colors about people I never wanted to see but did. And it all but destroyed my soon to be marriage. This show was not an ok time for Jason and I. And I was not the person that I really wanted to be during it. I'm not sure for what reason or why but I wasn't and I am still really embarrassed about it.

Now I did prove alot to myself- I can sing with the right Music director. And I can dance. Really well. And I got to know some people who I really didn't know before and I met someone who could possibly be a best friend. I saw alot- acting and singing wise- from people I knew really well that beyond impressed me and made me proud to call them a friend. And I got an awesome backstage crew for "Book of Liz" out of it.

So, was there a point to this post? Not sure yet. For me, "Rocky" is dead and buried for a while, at least. I'm sure- barring a very specific person directing- that I will never audition for this show again.

"Rocky" got me where I am now 2 years ago and now, its over. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. Some things are maybe just better left to memory.

Frustration and the Future

I feel like a hamster in a wheel. Every M/W/F/Sat I get up, get dressed, put on my fake smile and go to work. Where I feel stupid, unappreciated, and not myself. I look at my job as acting for 4 hours a day. I act for my bosses, I act for the customers, I act for myself. I tell myself it's not THAT bad (and really it isn't after working at a VERY WELL KNOWN home retail chain here in Huntsville and was basically I could work whenever if I sucked dick...seriously...) and that it's for a few more months then J will work and I can quit...but I'm not in la la land...I will not be able to quit. The economy is shit and we both need to be working. And it's not the working that's the problem, I want to work, I want to have MY OWN money (yes, I know, it's our money, but I don't want to have to feel like I have to ask to buy a purse or shoes, even though I know Jason would never say no...).

I'm going to school to get a degree- which I think means as much as the card stock it's printed on. But in the mean time, I hate my job. I hate the nasty customers we get. And I feel like a bit of my soul dies each time I put on that apron and ugly gaucho pants.

As for the future, I see my friends with kids and how happy they are and they have cute little complete families and I want that. Jason and I have decided to wait until after I finish my degree to try to have kids because its the "smart" and "responsible" thing to do. Which I agree with, however, don't people go to school to get their degrees and get jobs that pay well? I have a job that pays well. And the hours are great. I just know that I will not be complete inside until Jason and I are married and we have kids. As lame as that sounds.

I wish October 30th 2009 would get here already.

All that Fancy Booklernin'

Today, at work, a fellow server told me that she overheard one of her tables talking about how people that go to Calhoun CC have no intention of finishing their degrees or really want to learn.

That made us both angry. She being a fellow Calhoun student who has taken a hiatus but has every intention of finishing and myself who went there for 4 semesters, and is only a few semesters away from finishing and Jason who went there first when he started back at school and has now JUST finished his last class at Faulkner and graduating in December.

I'm sorry that I don't have the money to go to a fancy 4 year college for all 4 years. Calhoun offers the same classes that UAH/AandM/UNA/Faulkner/Etc... offer and for much cheaper and frankly, I enjoyed my time at Calhoun more than I enjoyed UNA, and I haven't really been at UAH long enough to tell.

I was just angry that she made a generalization about me, my friends, my family. Sure, there are 2 year degrees at Calhoun but those are like Nursing and important things like that.

And she just assumes that because this server and I are servers we obviously haven't gone to college. Aren't in college. Don't have plans to finish college. Most servers are either in school and paying for it by serving or have graduated and the money is so good, they can't leave.

And who are you to judge me lady, I'm in school AND working my way through it. And you, you're sitting at someone's table for HOURS on a workday...why aren't you working? Did you finish school? Whore.

::stepping off my soap box now::

"Have I mentioned today, how lucky I am, to be in love with you?"

Long time, No blog.

"Harvey's over, "Rocky" has started. Excited more each day to start "Liz". I've realized that there are alot of people out there that underestimate ME all I have to say to that is Wait and see. Wait and see how fucking awesome "Liz" is going to be....it'll be better than your show, that's for damn sure.

J and I returned from Disney safely- he didn't kill any small children so it was a success. It was reassuring to see that so much of my family loves J and sees in J what I do and cannot wait for us to get married.

It's still a weird thing to grasp- marriage. Not that I don't want to marry Jason but it's an unknown territory. I've never been married before (duh!) and how different will it make things? Other than changing my name and tax stuff, the typical things you hear about marriage and your life (intimacy and otherwise) being over, I think that that's crap. My life will just begin when I marry Jason. I am so excited. I wish October 30th 2009 would just get here already.

Speaking of Jason, I'm alone again this weekend. Well, just for the better part of this evening. He got a free ticket to the Alabama game and how could I say her couldn't go. He was so excited. It's ok. I think I'll go and get some mac and cheese to make my homemade mac and cheese and maybe some eggs to make french toast tomorrow morning...breakfast in bed with the man I love...anything better?

My job still sucks asshole but hanging out with 2 of the women I work with and the conversations we had today made me realize why I've stayed there. And the money's not bad either.

I'm worried about that Hurricane Ike hitting my mom and family there as a Cat 4. I wish they'd just move here. I really do miss them.

I've been obsessed with "The Last 5 Years" lately. It's all I listen to. It's what I warm up to on the way to "Rocky", I sleep to it. I do homework to it. It's beautiful and it makes me wish I could sing as well as Nina DeBanta did.

That's about all for now. This was a pretty random post but I felt the need to talk and the cats aren't too responsive.

Daughter knows best

So yesterday, I called my dad and told him I had registered for Fall classes.

Anyone who really knows me knows that my dad and I haven't always seen eye to eye.

Well, when I called him yesterday he said that he was going to come by my work today and give me 200 bucks for books.

Well today, waking up, I try to not think about it all day. I keep checking the clock, waiting for 1pm because that's when he said he was going to show.

My tables all cleared out and I was cleaned up and cashed out by 1ish.

I sat down and talked with Deanna and Deb for a while and around 1:30-1:45, I decided I wasn't going to wait anymore.

I go back to the kitchen, grab and Coke and walk to leave when I hear my dad.

He was there, late but there.

He gave me the 200 bucks which really helped me with my books and we went to Rosie's for lunch.

As my wedding approaches and the thought of children gets closer and closer, I realize that not only do I need my dad in my life at this point but I want him to be. But he needs to want to, or its all for nothing.

He says he wants to be active in the wedding planning and I'll let him, I just hope it's not setting me up for another disappointment.

That's a chance I'm going to take. I'm just glad that I am breaking that cycle. My mom didn't have a dad, I didn't have a dad, but my kids will. Jason is going to be the best father and (god forbid) if anything happened between us, I know he wouldn't ditch his children.

I'm going to let him back in. And when he disappoints again (because he will) I'll be just as upset.
But that's fathers and daughters.

Here comes the Bride???

So today, while Jason had class, I decided to drive and try on (REPEAT: TRY ON) wedding dresses. I figured "I have over a year", "There's plenty of time", "I'll just go look and see what looks good on me", "I'm too fat to be really thinking about it now", etc, etc.

So I go.

I tell Breanna, my dress consultant that I am just looking. She says she understands and that it's good I am starting now.

I try about 3 (well, 3 good ones at least, the other were U.G.L.Y.)

And she tells me to try on this really pretty halter.

So I do.

Tears.

I ask to see it with a sash (because I want a sash).

And I do.

More tears.

She asks if I want to see it with a veil.

I say "Sure"

Bawling.

I have a wedding dress.

It's on hold. Jason's mom is going with me next weekend so I can get another opinion.

I just can't believe it....I have a wedding dress. For my wedding. To the most wonderful man in the world. And I do not deserve him. I'm just hoping he never realizes it, that he's too good for me. Because without him, I fall apart. He's my everything.

And I am going to marry him and have tiny him's and we'll live happily ever after.


-Sam

In case you were wondering:
PICTURES!!!!


Ignore the pink thing. My sash is black satin and the bow goes behind all the way to the end of the dress and it has a really pretty beading in it.
That's my veil. It's elbow length and has black satin trim to match the black satin cummerbund style sash around my waist. And it's tiered so I can use one of those as the blusher.


And the best part...no train AND it's long enough and Jason is shorter than me so I can wear flip flops. Ghetto? Yes! Comfortable? YES!!!!

Summer

It's finally July.

I wish I didn't have to work today...or tomorrow. Or for the summer. I've got the fever. And we have a pool, those two don't mix. Sam: just keep telling yourself, today and tomorrow then off until Monday. The two weekends until FORT LAUDERDALE. Beach, family, mom's food. CANNOT WAIT!!!

Seriously...is it Sunday yet???? (There could be some TMI in this post)

I'm having a hard time with seeing customers at work as dollar bills and not people. There are regulars who come in who are probably (I say PROBABLY) perfectly nice people but no one wants them because they hog your table for an hour, guzzle coffee, and leave a dollar. Is it just me? My fellow servers, chime in, I'd love your opinion.

Made crap at work because it was a crap day. But it looks like, according to the books, that tomorrow and Saturday should be busy. It's all an Ebb and Flow.

I feel like shit today. My back hurts. I'm so tired. I took a break this month from by birth control and WHAT A MISTAKE. Worse than ever. And for somebody that's had Endomitriosis, that's hard to actually surprise me with pain. I'm so used to it by now. I just hope it ends soon. I may rip out my lady parts through my nose if it continues.

I think Jason may be feeling a little better today. I haven't seen him much so I can't tell. He was angry this morning but I think that was mostly the cats and the fact we didn't have any creamer. He is so happy about going and visiting Pete in August. And he is so excited for Fort Lauderdale and Disney. I'm just glad that he has things to look forward to when he gets down.

I think I may do some laundry and go to sleep early tonight, Jason has "Harvey" tonight and I don't so, a bed all to myself sounds pretty good right about now.

Hope this finds everyone well.

Free WiFi

Wednesday...half way through the week. I long for Sunday. A day off. My feet and back burn. Work sucks.

Today wasn't half bad...I split with one of the good ones at work and we made like 90 bucks...I think. Somewhere around there. Good money for a few hours work. I did, however, want to smash a glass in this man's face so the shards would go in his eye and cause him permanent blindness. DONOTEVER!!!! hold you glass up and shake it at your server for their attention...WEDON'TLIKETHAT. And you, my douche bag friend, will end up with shards of glass in your eye. You see I am running my ass off like a prisoner trying to escape, I will fill your still 3/4 full glass of water when I can.

I think I'm getting sick.
It could just be my period though. (TMI...I know)

I cannot wait for Fort Lauderdale and Disney. I miss my family.

Right now, I'm just hanging at Panera Bread waiting for Leslie. Her birthday is Sunday....note to self: get Leslie gift. Note taken.

Nothing else major to post. Jason still feeling awful. I wish I was a surgeon so I could fix his knee. I wonder how I did on my math test. Hopefully not as bad as last time.

That's about it.
Hope everyone enjoys this really pretty day outside.